Simon, King of the Witches review

Sometimes you think you’ve seen it all ! But then a movie from 1971 called SIMON, KING OF THE WITCHES comes along.

Simon is kind of a hobo. Although, in spite of looking like he’s homeless and living in a sewer, Simon doesn’t act like he’s at a disadvantage in any way shape or form. You see Simon is a magician, a warlock, a male witch, as he puts it. And one so great, that he is about to “enter in the realm of high magic.” Simon, often dressed and looking like the long lost fourth member of the Bee Gees, is quite intense and serious about magic. He also enjoys drinking booze out of a paper bag and talking to trees. Along the way, Simon will punish those who get in his way with curses that sometimes lead to death. Simon will also get mixed up in some kind of drug plot, involving the beautiful Linda (Brenda Scott) whom he is courting, her DA father and potentially crooked cops. And with the help of a young hustler named Turk and two stoners, Simon will hopefully be able to get to this new magic realm through his special mirror at exactly 1:33pm, a time “when the gods are unable to resist his thrust into their domain.”

Though incredibly baffling at times and almost impossible to follow at other times, this film (recently released for the first time on DVD) is one hell of a treat! I quite enjoyed the fact that I had no idea where it was going. SIMON, KING OF THE WITCHES is also filled with classic dialogue such as: “There is nothing the law can do! I cursed him, a death curse! It was easy! He was ripe for it!” The film harbors an unforgettable lead performance by Andrew Prine (of the movie GRIZZLY) that is beyond description. I can’t believe I didn’t know this actor until now.

The film’s other main strength is the completely insane chain of scenes it presents, every (often unrelated) scene seemingly hell-bent on outdoing the last. Standout scenes include a magic ritual sex scene between Simon and Linda (complete with a little post-coital speech by Simon) and a truly great moment where Simon mocks a bunch of mid-ritual witches using a broom. Little added bits made this movie great as well, such as Turk coming out of Simon’s bathroom with a warlock magic book he had just been reading. The script by Robert Phippeny is crazy but totally intriguing, filled with memorable characters and quotable lines. It showcases impressive art direction and psychedelic visual effects that fit right in with this insane fun.

Director Bruce Kessler has crafted a film difficult to categorize, grasp and explain. I’m still trying to piece together some kind of parallel between drugs and magic that was perhaps being alluded to. It felt like the director was going for some kind of cult comedy but, at times, the film almost played like a horror movie, then got a bit serious, then got to being more tongue in cheek. Sometimes, the film almost felt like a dream. I am still trying to figure out what it all amounted to, if anything. But who cares! I was entertained and now definitely want to be a warlock myself, even if it means living in a sewer. Or, I can just simply dream of a warlock movie co-starring Julian Sands and Andrew Prine. Now that would be a “realm of high magic!”

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